Click images for caption and to enlarg

Click to close "Happiness and security. That's all we ask."

"Freedom is a psycho-kinetic skill."

Hakim Bey

The following is the transcript of a stump speech delivered to no one in particular in Durango, Colo., at the El Rancho Tavern, in the back corner near the foosball tables.

My fellow Americans, before I tell you about our new political party, I want to ask you: What is it that we want? And why don't we have it?

Simple questions. But the answers are complicated, aren't they? Or so we're told by our political, economic, academic, and celebrity leaders - those we look toward and have charged with the task of leading us to those things for us, those things we want, that we work toward, that we've always been working toward.

It's complicated, they say. It's complicated, we all say. That's why we haven't got it quite worked out. That's why we're not there . . . yet. And they say, "That's why you need to re-elect us! That's why you need to pay us more! That's why you need to do what we say! Because we can get it done for you!"

Well, my friends, that's not what this new political party is going to say. Because this new political party really is going to show the way to those things. Because our candidates really know how to get them.

A toast, then! To our new political party!

(Pause for a long draw on a bottle of beer.)

So I ask you again: What do we want?

I'd like to posit a simple answer to that complicated question: Happiness and security.

That's it really, isn't it? I mean, we are confronted with many ways of defining those things, and we're told endlessly of a vast array of ways of attaining them - do this, don't do so much of that, buy this, learn that, move there, own these, follow that program, behave this way, don't behave too much that way, be more like him, dress more like her, and always watch out for . . . them.

Nevertheless, we know what we want. And that's why we elect, hire, pay, serve, and follow those powerful people: To carve for us the conditions we need to attain and retain our happiness and security. Which means . . . if the circumstances for happiness are never really settled - because it's complicated! - and security is never really assured - because it's complicated!­ - then those leaders are also guaranteed jobs, are they not? Thereby assuring their own happiness and security - as they define it, as power and wealth.

The problem, though, my friends, is not our political leaders - hacks most of them are - or CEOs - not even the vilest lay-off-loving, pension-raiding kind - or even the prime-mortgage rates, or stock market, or politics, or education, or the decline of morality, or the rise of our enemies . . .

The problem, I'm here to suggest to you, is nothing less than the very way we live. It's the nature of the beast in whose belly we reside.

(Short pause while shot glass is dropped into a pint of ale.)

But you'll never hear the other parties tell you that. Because their jobs are in the belly of the beast.

In this new party, though, we've redefined our jobs.

A toast, then, to doing our jobs!

(Longer pause for slamming of boilermaker, followed by a large belch.)

Happiness and security. That's all we ask.

To be happy means being free to be who you most are - who you cannot not be. It means liking where you are, physically, and to live days that are mostly meaningful, enjoyable, interesting, and relaxed. It means knowing what gives you satisfaction, and then doing it, and doing it well. It means having a role in a caring and meaningful and helpful alliance of kin and community.

Security means always having those things. Or, more to the point: security is understanding that the nature of Nature is that things change, shit happens, but still knowing - always, no matter what, no matter where, no matter when - that you have the skills to be yourself, to savor where you are, to do what you need to do to get by, and to find others to share with and care for.

Even here. Even now.

Of course, you won't hear the other political parties telling you that. They tell you we have two choices: Left? Or Right? Either way, they want to lead. And either way, neither path leads out of the belly of the beast that is our unstated rule that says we need to be led to happiness and security.

But our new party is neither left nor right.

And it's certainly not straight . . .

(Short pause for licking and then salting of thumb and lifting of fresh shot glass.)

No. Our new party is forward. Right down the middle. Or off to the side. Or out into the woods - it's whatever route each of us needs to take to seek our own happiness, and to build the security that only comes by doing things for ourselves.

A toast, then, again! To finding our own way!

(Pause for licking of salt off thumb, shooting of shot and sucking on slice of lime.)

My fellow countrymen, we were once wild. For millions of years, we were tribal hunter-gatherer nomads. It's how we evolved, because it's what worked the best for happiness and security - strong, unique selves; distinct days in powerful places; useful talents and valuable skills; and strong bonds with close companions. No wonder we still want those things - we might not be wild, but we are still those wild beings, even if we've been herded like domesticated sheep and cattle.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's PC to call it "civilized consumers and employees."

But there's something else our leaders, and textbooks, and media make sure we don't learn: We might not be wild, but like rez dogs and barn cats and dandelions that punch through even concrete, we can still go feral.

(Pause to accept fruity drink in shapely glass with umbrella sticking out.)

And so the Feralist Party is hereby established under only a single simple platform: Go feral!

Feralists may still seek to change things, but we don't need things to change. And we don't have to wait for circumstances to be "right."

Feralists are out to create new things entirely. All we have to do is dare to live differently, dare to live deeply, dare to take control of our living.

Dare to live at all. That's what Feralists do.

(Dramatic pause to stir cocktail with umbrella thoughtfully.)

I know, I know. It's election season, and you're sick of the posing and posturing and pandering of political parties working to garner your vote. So you must now think I want you to vote for somebody.

Well, my fellow Feralists, I'm here to tell you, we don't need no stinking election! Because in the Feralist Party, you are the candidate.

And you are already elected.

So go take office: in your own skin, in your home place, in your skills and talents, in your family and friends and tribe.

Wherever and whenever. Here and now.

Just go feral.

But first . . . a toast!

 

Ken Wright can be found at campaign headquarters until last call. He is the author of A Wilder Life: Essays from Home and Why I'm Against It All (Raven's Eye Press). Email him at

monkeywrenchdad@gmail.com.